


With Everything I Am And Everything I Have

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Episode Related, Future, No Slash, Points of View, Romance, Season/Series 05, Spoilers, Unsafe Sex, What-If, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-02
Updated: 2007-11-02
Packaged: 2018-12-26 20:06:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12066045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Begins during the talk Brian and Justin have in bed towards the end of the series.  Truths emerge, relationships strengthen, relationships weaken, and love endures.





	With Everything I Am And Everything I Have

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: Hey! I'm back!!! Life has giving me an endless amount of shit and my computer has had som problems, but I'm finally back. I promise to update my other fics VERY soon and I still have another story to start but this one just wouldn't leave me alone! One warning is it is very Anti-Lindsay. Enjoy! A million thanks to Gerri for the title suggestion and everyone who gave suggestions!  


* * *

Brian POV

“I’m just trying to make you happy!"

Why the fuck did I just say that? How fuckin’ stupid could I be? Of course he’s not going to just take that statement lying down.

“I want you to do what makes you happy, not me.”

You want me to be happy, Sunshine? Fine. Here goes.

“You want me to do what makes me happy. Well you know what? I AM! Seeing you with that sunshine smile on your face makes me so excited and proud to know that I was the cause of something so beautiful. I love you with every particle of my being and I have since the first night I fucking met you. Sure, I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was there just the same. The bombing didn’t make me all of the sudden have these feelings out of nowhere. It just gave me enough power to voice them. The thought of you being gone forever fucking terrified me. It was like I was in that fucking hospital all over again. Of course you don’t know about that because my dumb ass insisted that the only three people who knew: your mom, me, and the night nurse, knew. Well now I’m going to finally admit it. I was at the hospital after you were bashed. I was there every night until you were released. I would just stand outside of your room looking in through your window, watching you sleep. It killed me. I wanted nothing more than to go in there and hold you and tell you I was there and that I would protect you; but I just couldn’t let myself do that. Instead I just watched, feeling at least somewhat vindicated knowing that someone would be watching over you while you slept, when you were the most vulnerable.”

Justin just stares at me in shock, his mouth literally hanging open. Before he can utter a syllable, I continue. I need to get all of this out.

“Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I’m not trying to change into something I’m not. I’m just finally comfortable with being a grown-up.”

We both share a small smile and chuckle at this before I continue.

“I’m not giving up anything. I’m finally getting what I always wanted. I just want to be with you. You’re my whole world and I need you. Not only do I need you but I want you more than anything.”

Justin POV

I let out a sigh of relief as he finishes his impromptu speech. He has just revealed in the last few minutes more than he has in the last five years. I realize now how much he loves me and wants to be with me. I can’t help but break out into one of my now trademark smiles.

“I want you too. I’m sorry I thought you were trying to become something you’re not. I guess I’ve just been scared because I never really thought you could willingly give up your past for me. I never thought I was worth that.”

Brian POV

He hangs his head as he says this and to say I’m shocked would definitely be an understatement. I cannot believe he could think that about himself. I lightly lift his chin with my index finger and make sure we are looking each other square in the eye. I want him to see the truth in my words.

“Oh but Sunshine, you are! You’re worth everything. When I said I bought the house for my prince I meant it. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever known, inside and out.”

He smiles shyly at this and I can’t help but chuckle. Before I can speak he takes a deep breath and continues.

“Okay, now let me finish. I have my own monologue to give.”

We both give small smiles and he continues.

Justin POV

“I know why Lindsay showed you that review. I know how much she wants me to go to New York. But do you know what? Fuck her. The only reason she wants me to go to New York is so she can feel proud of getting me away from you. You can pretend all you want, but I know how much she fuckin’ wants you. She’s wanted you since you were in college and it’s never stopped. Not even after she fucking married Melanie. Then she fucked that slimy Sam Aurbauch asshole. You’ve never met him but that man truly is disgusting. It just proves how straight she really is. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was fantasizing about you the whole time!”

I look over at Brian and I’m scared of what I’ll see. I think he’ll be beyond pissed at me, but when I look at him I see him slowly nodding his head. He looks me in the eyes and speaks.

Brian POV

“You’re right. You’re absolutely right. Ever since college she’s wanted to be with me and she couldn’t get it through her thick skull that I am, always will be, and probably most importantly, have always been a fag.

You wanna know something funny? I actually don’t hate Mel. She doesn’t really hate me either. We’re a lot alike.”

I see Justin smile and nod. I know he’s always seen the similarities I share with Mel.

“The only reason she hates me sometimes is ‘cause she sees how Lindsay is with me. If only she knew how much I hate it too!”

I look up at Justin as I say this next part. I need him to hear every word.

 

“You know how everyone thinks I actually fucked her in college?”

Justin gives a slight nod at this.

“I never bought it though,” he says. “I always thought you were too gay for that,” he smiles.

Yet another reason to add to my “Reasons I Love Justin Taylor” list. He’s always seen the truth through all not only my bullshit but also the bullshit he was fed by others.

“We both got drunk and high. She started groping me and I decided to put her in my bed and let her sleep. I went along and let her think I fucked her; not only to make her boost her ego but also because I decided to have fun with her amazing stupidity. She slept in my bed with all her fuckin’ clothes on! She actually thought I fucked her and then redressed her. What a fuckin’ dumbass!” I laugh.

“Before you say anything, Sunshine, I slept on my floor that night.”

He, who was laughing at my earlier comment, gave me a small smile and nod of acknowledgement.

“So…” he begins. “you still wanna marry me?” he asks with a shy smile. He’s really fucking adorable. He actually thinks there is even a minute possibility I could turn him down. I cup his neck with my right hand and pull his lips to mine. Before we kiss, I whisper, “With everything I am and everything I have.”

He smiles and connects our lips. After about five minutes, breathing becomes necessary. We pull apart and smile at each other.

“I think we should pay a visit to the munchers tomorrow,” he says.

I nod. “That’s a good idea, but now I wanna make love to my gorgeous fiancée.”

I am rewarded with my own personal sunshine and we fall into a rhythm of passion, longing, lust, and…love.

 


End file.
